Why I Can’t Talk to My Girlfriend About Comics, Part Six

You guys see this?!?

Would you believe it’s the cover to Justice League #6? Wouldja? Huh? Well guess what???? No, really, guess what???

This is boring.

This picture of Darkseid was the big reveal to who was going to be the main villain in the Justice League storyline (though the name was already given in issue #1).  It was sent out months ago, and it was one of the umpteen two page spreads we’ve been subjected to.  I guess Jim Lee is behind schedule, so we’re using it again.

I don’t want to buy this. And yet I have five issues of this damn thing.

Do I just drop it one issue away from the end? Or do I buy it and immediately dispose of it? And who would I give it to? There are one or two kids I know old enough for this, but I usually give them good stuff. Is this the comic reader’s equivalent of sipping sour milk and trying to get someone else to smell or taste it?

So what do I do? What if my girlfriend sees it in my hands this Wednesday? She’ll ask me if that’s something I like, and I’ll say no, and she’ll ask me that question all fanboys dread: Why did you buy it if you don’t like it?

Damn, New 52 DC, I haven’t had a dilemma like this since I followed mainstream comics with foil covers in the mid-nineties. I don’t feel well all of a sudden…

Let’s get air and move on.


You’re heard me talk about Orc Stain before, right? It’s a tale of free-for-all violence with orcs vs. the world and each other. Sexual subtext has been superseded by the fact that orc phalluses are collected for status and money.

It’s such a dirty little book.  Violent, phallic, wild and gritty.   Likely gross out many.  Girlfriend included.

God, I…need this book.

It comes out tomorrow.  I have plans with my girlfriend  early tomorrow.

My course is clear.  Cab to the comic store. Read it in the rest room. Everyone’s happy.

And next week, I might discuss the benefits of having a pull list with your favorite comic book shop.  Though even if I did, I’d probably go early tomorrow anyway.

Yes, this is a preview/anti-preview combo in disguise as a review. But I’m ending on a good note and previewing the best comic of 2012 and telling you this fact early, so you’re welcome.


About Chad Parenteau

I'm a poet. I run the Stone Soup Poetry series in Cambridge that runs every Monday night. I review comics in my spare time.
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One Response to Why I Can’t Talk to My Girlfriend About Comics, Part Six

  1. Pingback: Why I Can’t Talk to My Girlfriend About Comics, Part Seven | wegotcomicissues

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