Mars Mars Mars Mars Mars

So, I went to Mars last night… the pre-screening for Disney’s John Carter was in 3D.

Words cannot express how excited I was for this movie. Not only is it a Princess of Mars adaptation for the big screen but I’ve been reading some interesting reports about how the female demographic would reject this film. It was like waiting to go on a murder mystery cruise. You know it’ll be super cheesy but you still want to solve the case!

*Spoiler free version*

I loved it. Of course I loved it. If you can’t decide within an hour into a film whether it’s awful or fabulous then you know something’s right.  It was overdramatic, tongue in cheek, stupid, with super awkwardly executed scenes. Deja Thoris was downright terrifying (in a good way) but her hair should have been bigger.

like this

A lot of people are going to hate this movie. It’s one of those projects that require a certain level of appreciation in order to be fulfilling. Take “performance art” for example. Unlike other performing arts (dance, theater, slam poetry) where things have several standards for purpose and entertainment, “performance art” comes off as just a bunch of pretentious crap to me. Someone screeching in a microphone for four minutes while and giant image of their face crying is projected behind them in order to symbolize the extinction of polar bears…yeah. Some people are into that. I’m not.

The movies are a bit different. Not everyone can gauge if a film will be a complete waste of their time (Especially if it’s a film that revamps a concept that was created in the early 20th century). Edgar Rice Burroughs Barsoom series helped to forge the science fiction genre we have today; the idea of floating cities, crazy looking aliens, interracial dating, these things could easily fall flat with a generation that can’t even identify who Sonic the Hedgehog is. Plus, it’s pretty hard to stomach a film when its PR department wouldn’t even back it. It’s called “John Carter” because they couldn’t believe that women would want to see anything with the word “Mars” in it.

WTF, ladies?! Fail for you.

And honestly, Fail on you too, boys: for not wanting to see a movie called “A Princess of Mars”.

You know what? Scratch that. Everybody who is lame gets a FAIL! I’m sick of you bitches.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to fail people for hating this movie (like it matters). It’s a stupid movie. I just thought it was stupidly awesome and it blew my mind.

If you want to see something fun, ridiculous, action packed and silly than this is a movie for you. If you want to see something cheesy and romantic than this is a movie for you. If you’re a long time fan than this is a movie for you.

If you want to see the next Pirates of the Caribbean than just stay home and watch Captain Jack. And if you want something with stellar dialogue, innovative storytelling and brilliant acting then why would you go to this movie? Seriously.


About A.Outlaw

Angela Outlaw is an all around shitty adult. She loves Gushers fruit snacks and burritos. But not together...because that would be weird.
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